It was the best of times it was the worst of times.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. 

- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Sydney had his third remission check up on Monday afternoon. I sincerely wish that we had better news to report. Sydney's cancer is back. 

I am not sure if I have mentioned it before, but Sydney is named after the character Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities. I like to think that there are some similarities between the two. They are both selfless creatures when it matters most, they both can be incredible pains in the ass and they both struggled with addictive behaviors.That fact paired with the fact that I am a literary nerd makes the quote from the book feel very appropriate this afternoon.

 It is the best of times, I am happily married to a swell guy who appreciates all of my eccentricities, I have three wonderful children, the home I have always wanted, a huge, loud family I adore, animals I love, friends that understand me and time to do the things that I love. Both of the older kids found jobs recently doing things they are enjoying. Hayden is excited for warmer weather, swimming lessons, archery and bike rides. It is truly a good life. 

It is also the worst of times. I know that I am prone to dramatics. I own that fact. It might not have actually been "the worst" of times, but on Monday it certainly felt pretty crappy. Sydney has cancer again. We have to tell the kids. We had to decide what treatment to use this time. We needed to take a minute and let it sink in that no matter what we do we are going to lose our dog, best case scenario we have six months. We have to accept the fact that our family is still paying for the last round of CHOP. We have to remember that our financial situation has changed since Sydney was diagnosed the first time. No matter what we do this time it is gonna hurt worse. Sydney had a short remission. We got less time than we bargained for and it just plain sucks.

And gosh darn it, I am sick of winter. This has been a rough winter for a lot of people that I love. At times it has felt incredibly cold, dark and endless. This is the perfect rotten button on this damn winter. It was the season of darkness, It was the Spring of hope, It was the winter of despair.

If you aren't a dog person and don't understand that dogs are a part of the family, I encourage you to quit reading. This isn't the blog for you and today isn't the day to tell me that you don't understand why people would spend that kind of money on their dogs. You and I will never understand each other. Don't bother to try and change my mind and I will pay you the same courtesy.

We had a couple of options for treating Syd's relapse. We can do another round of the CHOP protocol. If he survived the whole thing we would be looking at another $5000 or $6000 dollars. We can expect that Syd's remission would last about half as long the second time. (Syd was in remission for just over 7 months the first time - SUPER RAW DEAL). Syd would have to go back to the vet weekly and spend the morning at the vet office being injected with drugs. 

Second option: CCNU. This would require a trip to the vet once every three weeks for oral chemo treatments. It would cost somewhere between $1300 and $3500 for the series. Again, that price is assuming her were to make it through the whole series without another relapse, which given the length of his first remission is unlikely. The best guess is that he would make it through about 5 treatments. So we are looking at somewhere between $700 and $1400 dollars. The higher end if if the medicine effects his liver. It will effect his liver, it would just be a matter of when.

Our last option would be steroids. This would be basically comfort care and would give us a couple of months. The financial cost would be minimal. It would means deciding that we aren't actively fighting and treating the disease anymore. We are just keeping him comfortable and enjoying what little bit of time we have left with him.

Personally, I think that all of our options suck. We decided that the lesser of all the evils would be to try CCNU. This option is less expensive than the CHOP protocol and doesn't involve nearly as many needle sticks. He also has to spend significantly less time at the Dr.'s office. We want to maximize the time he has left, but not at any cost to his comfort. The only problem: There is only about a 50/50 shot that it is going to work. If it does not work then we will treat him with prednisone and shower him with treats for whatever time he is comfortable. 

Have I mentioned that I think this sucks?